Eleven; &Graduated!

FROM HIGH SCHOOL, PFFT.

It'll be so cool if I graduated with a degree in engineering instead; Job done, everything achieved.

But no, It's not that easy. Never was, never is.

It's just a few weeks to SPM. Honestly, I'd shit my pants right away if *impossible* the SPM examination turn out to be tomorrow, because I'm far from ready. But, I'm on my way and let's just hope for the best.

The end of high school is just the beginning of everything. In a few months, once SPM is done and over with, things are going to change. One of them will be my friends. We are all going to be taking different paths after this, especially a few who will be flying off shortly after our exam. It is going to take time to adapt because I've seen them in their happiest and worst for almost everyday of my life. A sudden absence could be really over whelming. Nevertheless, I wish them all the best in building their life. I'll never forget the years of friendship we've had together.

Now, the hardest part; I have not really decided on what I would be majoring in in the future. Honestly, thinking about this really messed up my mind, even brought me to tears sometimes. Being the only daughter and the youngest in the family, my parents, of course expected high of me. The pressure is there. I began to doubt myself with what ifs; what if I'm not good enough, what if everything fails, what if it all turns out to be a big disappointment and etc.

"What do I really want?"

A question I often asked myself for far too many times and in the end, I usually came up with either nothing or something that's not ideal, hence bringing me back to square one.

I cannot be selfish in making decisions like this. It has to benefit both parties, my family and myself. If I pursue something that only makes me happy but disappoint others, what kind of happiness could come out from that?

The best now, is to push these thoughts away and focus on my finals. Hopefully everything will go well. It's time to start burning the midnight oil. Nothing ever comes easy without hardwork, determination, passion and love.

Not forgetting my belief in God. Prayer is an important element in my life, and without God, what am I? In times like these is when I need him the most.

"It is not how much effort we put into doing, but how much love we put into it."